i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
