Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
