seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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