I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
