my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
