When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize