I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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