I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
