I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
