My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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