I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
What a fucking waste of an outfit
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
