I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
