I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
