Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
