AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
