I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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