Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
