i was born a porn star she said
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
