): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
