maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
