My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Randomize
