fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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