How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
