Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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