A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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