Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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