goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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