Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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