Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
