I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
