I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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