White coat. Heels.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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