The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
