he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
