She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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