Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
