Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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