I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
