So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
