you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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