You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
