thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
