i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
