He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
