I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
