is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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