I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Welp...herpes.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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