Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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