just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
