I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
