Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
