just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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