ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
