So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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