After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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