I could make wine with my vomit
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
