You made me cry and you don't even care
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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