he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
