Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
