Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
