In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
