The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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