this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
