please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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