I think I won the penis lottery.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
