8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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