I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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