But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
