I wanna passion pit in your ass
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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