I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
why is half of my head shaved?
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