Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
