He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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