Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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