She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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