I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
