Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
