I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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