Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize