What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
