I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize