The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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