i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
