Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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