Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
