It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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