I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Sorry about my life...
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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